Follow my blog with Bloglovin Rita Wanderlust: Writer's Block

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Writer's Block

rain drops on a window
My cliche, emo picture of raindrops on a window.   But I took it and I'm proud of it.
It's hard to explain the way writer's block feels to me.  It feels like I want to rip apart my own body just to get all the thoughts stuck inside me out.  It feels like I'm trapped.  It feels like my skin is crawling and that I just can't stop fidgeting.  It feels like there is literally something under my skin and like there are tiny shocks going on.  I feel like I want to find a way to pour every word inside of me out.  I feel like nothing I write down is sufficient to express what I'm feeling.  It feels like no matter what I write down, it doesn't do my thoughts justice.  Everything feels like it's just not right.  Every single word seems too mundane and boring.  It feels like I've lost sensation in my fingers, like my thoughts aren't being sent to fingers in time for me to get them in writing.  I will write one word and erase it because it feels wrong, then another, and another, and another until I just want to give up.  I always think starting from scratch will help but it never does.  The worst part is that writer's block is internal but I get so anxious and frustrated that I can feel my body tensing and all my muscles seizing up until I'm actually shaking and need to stop before I start pulling my hair out or scratching at my skin.  Writer's block is also retroactive.  Even if I wrote something weeks before the writer's block, when I read it again, it sounds awful.  I would do anything to get it to stop.  I guess that's when I have to find other outlets.  Ugh...that's the only word that sounds appropriate in this frame of mind.